After airing my second Farsi show on Ariana Afghanistan International Satellite TV, I received a few phone calls that prompted me to this topic, the art of active listening.

One of the callers specifically asked how she can improve the quality of her relationship with her children and her husband. She has three boys, 12, 10 & 7. They do not listen to her, and she has a hard time communicating with her husband.

I sought professional help from Rosalinda Randall, an Etiquette Consultant, at www.yourrelationshipedge.com. Rosalinda has worked with children and their parents for more than fifteen years and offers valuable tips and advice on how to improve our relationships, especially with our children.

The big lesson here is that we cannot change other people’s behavior by force, demanding or yelling even if they are our kids. The only way that others will listen to us is by demonstrating it. We have to be a good listener first of all so children can watch and learn. She also recommends that we remove distractions while we communicating with our children. If we want them to listen to us, then we have to turn the TV off, or put away our telephones or iPads. Then we have to acknowledge them by actively listening to them, and we should never laugh at what they say even if it is the silliest thing in the world.

There is a section of my book, “How To Lead Your Life With 7 Treasures You Own” on the parent and child relationship. I stress that children are separate individuals from us. While we have the responsibility of their well being, we have to learn to be a most trusted person so they could come and tell us everything. Listening is one a critical art in building our relationships because usually family members take each other for granted and don’t pay attention to each other as much as they should.

I, personally, spent most of my childhood in quietness. I didn’t think that my feelings and my ideas were important enough to be discussed. This behavior, however, caused me to be a good listener, which my own family now enjoys.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”       Ralph G. Nicholas